Sometimes I don’t “feel” social situations at all and would rather avoid them altogether. Whether you just don’t like the vibe of wherever you are, or you’ve totally burned the bridge with someone, there are plenty of valid reasons to mind your own business and ride solo.
I always favored the notion that people should challenge their comfort zones. You will never know what you are capable of until you try it. And often, we regret things we didn’t try; events we brushed off. And when we see how much fun it was to other people and feel shitty….THAT is the feeling of regret.But those events we made a big fuss about often turn out to be fantastic. And even if they aren’t, we can derive valuable lessons from the experience. We like learning, and the more information you gain from experience, the more you learn about yourself. And that becomes incredibly important for becoming a better & wiser person.
If you genuinely aren’t interested in doing something, you’re better off not doing it. But if you are interested in it, but feel held back by some personal factor – I’ve found it’s massively important to reflect on why exactly you are feeling that way and really asses the root cause. It could be, you have confidence issues & feel judged, perhaps a traumatic or disappointing series of related events rubbed you the wrong way, or something in the environment reminds you of the past. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to be mindful and notice your own thoughts & emotions and “catch” yourself in that state. I highly recommend getting into Mindfulness meditation – it can really help you be at ease with yourself and the environment.
Many psychologists in cognitive & behavioral therapies recommend exposing patients to their greatest fears — in attempt to help them “get over” them entirely and be more emotionally stable. Mindfulness is very much a form of exposure to your internal fears — because it involves looking at your feelings from a 3rd person sort of view (and not engaging in them, simply being aware that they exist in that moment and being okay with that). Once again, highly recommend. You can practice being mindful anywhere. When I’m outside, I often allow myself a moment to take everything in — observe the trees, the sky, myself, people around me.
As humans, we often are so automated that we forget we are in a particular state and are feeling a certain way. When you are aware of how you are feeling, you have more control of yourself, you are significantly more at ease with everything going on. One is more buoyant to the current of life. The less need we can attach to external circumstances & outcomes — the more independent & grounded we can become.